Swim to be Free
by PokemonTanya
Summary: What happens to Makoto Tachibana when a new transfer student by the name of Haruka Nanase arrives ? His world is turned upside down, that's for sure. Haruka Nanase ends up giving his whole heart to Makoto but the fact is, Makoto is torn between Haruka and someone else... Follow Makoto on the journey to falling in love and unraveling the mystery that is Nanase Haruka
1. Chapter 1

Hi there everyone !  
It's been long since I've written anything or something but here, this is the first time I'm going to write something that comprises of more than 3 chapters :'D Also, there are minor changes in the story like Haruka being a new student and Rin, Nagisa and Makoto already being friends.. Slight chances in the story and characters as well.  
I hope you all like it. Please review this and add me to your favorite author and add this story to your favorite story. Please don't copy this as I honestly **worked** really hard for this.  
Also, just wanted to share, I started Fullmetal Alchemist and I may write an FMA fanfic. Any pairing requests ?

Enjoy this story :'D  
Love,  
PokemonTanya  
-x-

I WANT TO BE FREE

I sat towards the end of the class, trying to hide my existence behind the hordes of teenagers that entered class and occupied themselves but failing miserably as all of them seemed to notice my presence and waved at me or called my name. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the causalities or pleasantries but the fact is, one more year and I wouldn't see these people.  
I didn't see the point in becoming close to anyone at this point though I was close to my old friend, Nagisa Hazuki , who was a year younger than me. He called me 'Mako-chan' so sweetly. We had **bonded** over swimming as kids along with another friend of mine, Rin Matsuoka. Nagisa attended Iwatobi High School along with me where as Rin attended Samzueka Academy.

The bell rang and our teacher entered, she had short brown hair and carried an umbrella. She wrote her name on the board, 'Miho Amakata'. She seemed confident yet shy if that was even a possibility. She asked us all to introduce ourselves. One by one, everyone in the class introduced themselves.

Just as my turn came, a boy, around my age, with big dark blue eyes entered, his hair was shades of darker blue. I hadn't seen him around ever. I guessed he was a transfer. I'm not one to usually fall for looks but for some reason I was drawn to this boy like a moth drawn to a flame. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. He coolly walked to the seat that was empty that was beside me and sat down.

"Um… You were going to introduce yourself." Amakata sensei said.

"H-Hai… I'm Makoto Tachibana. I realise that this is a girls name but my parents really liked this name. I love swimming and my specialty is back stroke. As a kid I aspired to be a fire man but as of now, I'm unsure. Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu." I said and started sitting down when someone spoke up and said, "Sensei, Mako is also known as the gentle giant." The glass erupted into giggles and Amakata sensei smiled.

The boy beside me spoke loud enough for me to hear, "I wonder if they call you that because of how you are in bed." I stifled a laugh and smiled to myself. His voice was calm and cool like the water.

"I'm Haruka Nanase. I love water and swimming free style. I always wear my swimming trunks underneath all my clothes. I swim freestyle if I haven't mentioned. I want to be free. Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu." He said and sat down again.

The class just stared at him. And I found myself staring at him myself. Something about him wanted me to hug him tightly, I didn't know what it was… Nande.. Nande am I attracted towards this boy ? Towards a boy I just met ?

The class slowly averted their gaze and looked towards sensei but me, I couldn't help but stare at the beautiful boy who sat beside me.

"Makoto chan, it's rude to stare at someone so much." Haruka said, not looking at me but at the board as Amakata sensei wrote something on the board.

"H-Hai.. gomenasai Haruka chan." I said softly and looked at the board.

I felt like I was going to chock beside this boy, my skin itched to touch his somehow. Any how. Why was he driving me this mad, he could be a total dick.

The bell rang and I felt air enter my lungs again but as I started to get up, Amakata sensei called Haruka and Me.

"Makoto-kun since you're an old student maybe you could show Haruka-kun around school right now ? Here's my pass." Amakata sensei passed me her pass and walked away with her umbrella in hand.

"I'm Makoto Tachi-" He cut me off and said "I was there in class when you introduced yourself."

"Are you always this rude ?" I asked him playfully, slapping a smile on my face.

"I'm just stating a fact," he said as he flipped his hair side wards, "Makoto-chan please show me around this school, my sense of direction is partially good."

I began to say something but just nodded instead.

I took him to the basketball court, baseball court, **food** court… Every court our school had to offer but he seemed uninterested.

"Do you want to see something ?" I asked him.. That sounded totally non-sexual . Haruka nodded, the way his hair flipped up and down with his head movement was a sight to see, I would spend all of my life just watching him. WHY DO I SOUND SO GIRLY ? SHUT UP MAKOTO.

I held Haruka's hand and started running towards the back of the school building and as we came towards what I wanted to show him, I realized that my hand had gripped his tightly. He stood beside me, not letting go of my hand until we looked at each other and our hands dropped by our own sides.

Haruka let out a small 'oof' like the air had been sucked out of him.

He seemed saddened by the state of the old swimming pool. It hadn't been used in a long time, often students would jump in and graffiti the sides, old shoes were also found and it seemed like a pool of leaves had gathered and formed the water of the pool.

"It hasn't been used in a long time.. I wish we could create a swim team maybe." I blurted out as I sat down.

"MAAAAAKOOOO CHAAAAAAAN" I heard Nagisa scream as he ran towards me and hugged me from behind. The small blonde had so much energy within him, he was my closest friend. I loved him so much, as kids we often played together and we would stay over at each other's. We had a different and distinct **bond** because of our love for swimming. Though in between we lost contact because he entered a different middle school, I knew I could call up Nagisa whenever I needed him.

"Mako-chan, we should create a swim team! Remember when we were younger and were in that relay team ?" Nagisa said while ignoring Haruka's presence until Haruka fake coughed.

"OOhhhhh you're the new student, Haruka Nanase ?" Nagisa asked as he stopped hugging me and approached Haruka.  
Haruka nodded gently but didn't take his eyes off the old swimming pool.  
"I'm Nagisa Hazuki, I'm a year younger to you both." Nagisa said and then came back and continued hugging me.

"Nagisa, can we create a swim team ?" I asked. Nagisa thought for a while and then said "We'll have to talk to Miho Amakata sensei, she's in charge of all clubs and teams, also, we'll need 4 members. Every club or team, needs four members at the least. Unless it's baseball or football or basketball or any other sport requiring more than four members." Nagisa said.

"Well, I'll join the club." Haruka broke the silence that had almost settled in.  
Nagisa nodded, "I'll find the fourth member."

"Well, I guess we'll be creating a swim team." I said. Nagisa's phone started ringing and he rushed away.

An awkward silence set in just as before between Haruka and I.

He sat down beside me, his knee almost touching mine.

"Why do you swim Makoto chan ?" Haruka asked me, now looking at the sun setting sky.

"I don't know, I guess I like to swim. What about you Haruka chan ?" I asked looking at him.

He looked at me and said, "I swim to be free."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 :

I looked at Haruka after he said he swam to be free, it seemed to me like something was holding him back, like imaginary chains that restricted him and his movements because he always seemed to be so hesitant to move around or talk.

Or maybe he just didn't like talking to anyone and liked being on his own. I got up, after I heard my stomach grumbling, I held out my right hand hoping Haruka would take it and help himself get up. As he slid his hand in mine, I realized, it fit perfectly and some warmth traveled through out my entire body. I pulled him up with some new found strength and he came flying into me and it was like he was embracing me. We stood like that for a seconds which seemed to almost last an eternity. And I was ready to spend infinite eternities standing next to him. WHAT. NO. NO. NO. I don't mean that. Just forget I said something like that.

Luckily (or unluckily) my stomach grumbled and Haruka pulled away and started walking away.

"Haruka chan, would you like to have a burger with me ?" I asked him, I knew my face was red but I tried desperately to get him to stay with me.

"Makato chan," He hesitated a bit and finally said, "I would like that. Any chance I could get some mackerel as well ?"  
I nodded my head slightly because in my mind fireworks went off. NO, No fireworks were going on or the ones that were going on, I imaginarily put water on them. I wonder if Haruka swam beautifully, his body would look so magnificent in the water, I bet. Imagine me and him in the shower. WHAT ? NO. I shouldn't imagine or think such things.

Haruka and I walked along the beach and finally reached "Burger Queen" which was the only burger joint within our vicinity.

I went ahead and ordered a burger and milkshake for myself meanwhile Haruka ordered a milkshake for himself as well. We sat down near the window which was overlooking the sea. Haruka seemed so enraptured by the sea like he wanted to be in it desperately, like he wanted for anything to jump into the sea. It felt like he belonged in the water.

"Itadakimasu!" I said and started eating. Haruka slowly slipped on his milkshake, not making eye contact with me but looking at only the sea and the way it splashed gently against the shore and looking at the kids who were building sandcastles and the couples who walked along.

I noticed a little milkshake was on his lip.

"Haru chan," I said softly and Haruka turned towards me, I bent forward and slowly wiped the remainder of the milkshake from his lips via my thumb and brought my thumb to my mouth, licking the droplet of the milkshake that was on my thumb. I smiled gently at Haruka.  
He seemed taken a back slightly but soon recovered, his eyes though were still wide open and his cheeks seemed to flush red a little. He slumped back into his seat and looked outside again.

"Ney Haru chan, would you like to go and take a walk along the beach ?" I asked him, smiling.

He looked at me and nodded. I wiped my hands and opened the door for him and he walked out, as I followed him, he threw his bag at me and stripped down to nothing but just his swim trunks. I didn't know he was serious about wearing his swimming trunks underneath his clothes.

His body was chiseled to perfection, grating cheese on those abs seemed like a dream that could actually take place. He definitely had a swimmers body. It was built for that sole reason.

He left me and ran towards the sea and started swimming. I walked slowly with his and my bag in both hand, I set them out on the sand. I stripped off my tie and shirt and placed inside my bag, I took my shoes off and placed my socks inside them. I stretched on the sand knowing all too well going to swim inside after having food would lead to cramps and I hated that, though I was surprised Haruka wasn't facing cramps but I guess even if he did, it would stop him either. Not like cramps were like the doom of a swimmer like him.

The sand was warm and the wind was gentle. A few drops of water fell on me and I opened my eyes and saw Haruka standing in front of me, blocking the sun which seemed to form a halo around his head.

"Makoto chan, I found this sea shell for you." Haruka said and bent down and started giving me sea shell but before I knew it, he was on top of me. His lips lightly brushed against mine and in that moment, electricity ran through out my body but with lightning reflexes Haruka was off of me.

"Gomenasai Tachibana Makato, I didn't mean to, I swear I lost footing and I fell down and I'm sorry." Haruka said, looking down and not ready to make eye contact with me.  
I laughed a little and tipped Haruka's face to look at me, "Hey Haru, it's fine. I'm not homophobic and if that counts as my first kiss, I was glad it was with my friend. But. My pants are wet." I said and laughed. Haruka smiled a little. I got up and took his hand in mine and we both walked along the shore line.

"Mako chan, why are you being so nice to me ?" He asked me.

"I don't know Haru chan.. I'm usually nice to everyone but I don't try to make contact easily with everyone else.. I guess, I don't know.. I want to talk to you." I blurted out.  
"Hey Haru, how come you don't talk much ?" I asked him.

"Because I don't talk much or easily, I guess if you stick around to me, I'll end up opening up to you easily or you'll learn small-small things about me which lead to the big ones." Haruka said, looking at his feet as we walked.

I wanted to know everything about Haruka, his favorite color, his favorite anime, his birthday, his favorite holiday, his favorite actor, singer, bad, what he aspires to be, if he's had girlfriends or boyfriends, his weight, tea or coffee, which side of the bed he sleeps on, his favorite subjects… Everything about him. Even the shampoo uses.

"Haru chan, aside from mackerel, what's your favorite food ?" I asked him.

"I don't know.. I'm not a fussy eater but I love anything to do with mackerel honestly." He answered, not looking at me still.

"Are you here with your parents ?" I asked him because I noticed that he carried his house keys with him almost everywhere, they were attached to his school identification card.

"Um.. Not exactly.. My grandmother passed away a few months ago and my parents came that time to bury her and they thought this would be a good place for me and so, they sent me here. They'll be here with me next year or so unless I decide to go abroad for college," Haruka answered, "Though I don't think I'll go abroad since my English is really terrible."

I wonder what he meant by 'this would be a good place for me'… What had happened to Haru ? I wondered.

"Do you have any siblings ?" He asked me.

"I have two. Ran is my sister and Ren is my brother," I answered, "they both are 9-10 years old. They're growing up so fast Haru, you should come and meet them! I bet they'll be so excited to meet one of my friends." I said actually hoping he would come over for dinner.

"Ah, maybe one day I will Makoto." Haruka said. My heart sunk slightly at the thought he wouldn't join me.  
"Makoto, our bags ? and things ?" Haru asked me. I slapped a hand over my mouth over the fact I forgot our stuff a long way back.

"Let's go get it then." Haru said, as if reading my mind. We both walked back now in silence, looking at the setting sun. Soon we arrived at the spot at which we left our stuff and luckily no one had taken our stuff or belongings. I slipped on my socks and shoes and Haruka wore his pants, shoes and shirt.

We walked down to his home which wasn't far actually.

"Makoto I have a problem waking up actually getting out of the bath, so um, could you call me if I start getting late ? Um.. I reach school in twenty minutes from here, so by 6.30 I should leave from here." Haruka said.  
I nodded my head and we exchanged numbers.

I walked home slowly, staring at the stars and a song was settled on my still tingling lips. Wow, not even a proper kiss could send me on cloud 9, I wonder what a proper kiss could do to me ? This boy with the amazing hair and perfect body and lovely voice… He was messing with me. I never felt like this towards anyone.

I reached home and had a shower before Ran and Ren returned from their martial arts class. I sat down and started doing some homework and before I knew it, I gave up and started thinking about Haruka but my train of thought was lost when Ran and Ren entered my room and loudly said, "Oniii!" and Jumped on me. I laughed as I picked them up and ran around and went outside to the living room.

News was coming on about gay rights and Ren asked me what I thought about it. My mother was looking at me, I guess my mother had known for some time now that I wasn't attracted to females, not because I had told her specifically but because I guess she guessed it.

"I think, it shouldn't matter who someone likes or loves, it should matter whether you love them with your whole heart or not and whether they love you the same and whether they are a good human being or not. So according to me, gender shouldn't matter one bit." I said.  
"I agree with you!" Ran said and she hugged me tightly.  
"I think you would look cute with Rin-nii" Ren said and hugged me.

And I said softly, "But I don't like him. I like…" my voice trailed off but my mother caught my eye as she smiled at me and came over and hugged us all. -

_I pushed Haruka against our classroom wall, no one else was around as everyone else had already left for home.  
"Haruka, I can't control myself, I'm sorry." I said as I stripped his shirt off and start nibbling on his collar bones. I heard a slow moan release from Haruka's lip.  
"Mako-Makoto, I.. I want you to make me come." Haruka said as he started grinding his lower torso slowly against me. I smiled a little and started kissing him passionately, my tongue slipping into his mouth and exploring each and every corner, electricity ran through out my body and I could feel Haruka and myself becoming 'excited'. _

_Haruka was digging his nails into my back as I went down and licked one of his nipples and pinched the other one and I heard a loud moan escape his mouth. I picked him, my hands underneath his firm butt and placed him on the teachers table. He wrapped his legs around me once he was set down._

_"Makoto, p-please." Haruka whined softly into my ear as he bit it._

_"Not yet my little prince, not yet." I said and unzipped his pants, threw it on the floor and realized that Haruka wasn't wearing any underwear and saw the erection that had already formed. Haruka blushed at my reaction. My hand slipped into his pants and started massaging his member slowly, I saw Haruka's head tilt backwards. I increased the pace of my hands and I could hear his moans increasing with the pace.  
"Makoto, I'm going to.. Going to.." He started saying but I cut him off and I said, "Not yet, not yet."  
I bent down and took his entity in my mouth and started sucking on it gently and biting it very gently and then quickened the pace of my sucking as well meanwhile my hand pinched his nipple._

_"MAKOTO I'M CO-CO-" And Haruka couldn't finish his sentence as his warm fluids entered my mouth uncontrollably. I got back to Haruka and kissed him, allowing him to taste himself._

_"Makoto, I.. I love you…" Haruka whispered not being able to meet my eyes.  
I looked at Haruka and tipped his face upwards so that he could meet my eyes, "I love you my little prince so much."_

I woke up from my dream and realized that my whole bedsheet had become wet along with my PJ's and pants.  
"Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit." I said and paced across my room and finally removed the bedsheets and gave them for washing, I would just tell my mom that water fell on the bedsheet early morning. This.. This was the first time I had a wet dream in a long time… I still remembered the first time I had had one but I wasn't going to remember that anytime soon as of now.

I went into the bathroom, had a bath and wore my school uniform, I went down for breakfast and saw my dad sitting on a chair, reading the paper.

"Makoto, it seems that a storm is going to set in today. I got a call from your school as well saying that school was cancelled today because of the storm that is going to take place. The news is saying that this is storm is going to destroy things so stay home today. NO MATTER WHAT." My father said, dead serious like all the color had been drained from his face.

Haruka… WAS ALL ALONE. He needs me. I dropped my bag and started running out the door. 


	3. Chapter 3 : Cherry Blossoms and Ramen

Dear Readers,  
or reader maybe ? I hope you all are enjoying the story so far. If you start thinking that the chapters are moving too fast or slow, please do tell me and I do request, rather, beg that you review this. The characters are a bit different as compared to the anime but I still hope that you like the characters. I'll be introducing other characters soon enough. Mostly, from the fifth chapter onwards. Also, some of these will be my own characters but the rest are from the anime it self.  
Please do review it as it means a lot to me. It means that someone does take the time to read the chapters and the words, it means that my message is being conveyed through this, that my words or writing style do reach someone. And that it makes someone happy.  
Take care of yourselves,  
Love PokemonTanya.

p.s. this is the first chapter that I have named.

-x-  
Chapter 3 : Cherry Blossoms and Ramen

I ran to Haruka's home even though the wind and the rain pressed against my body, telling me to turn back and run towards home but my body, my body wasn't willing yet and I don't think it would have ever been. My clothes were drenched and my hair was sticking to my forehead. I could feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest, the adrenaline pumping through my veins, it felt like my veins would pop out of the pressure.

It was only later on that I realized that tears had escaped my eyes, for what reason, even I was lost. No one else was on the roads, it was like everyone had packed up and deserted the area. Haruka's name was on my tongue and I was chanting it like a mantra, it had rolled off my tongue as if it was something exotic yet so familiar.

I ran and I ran and I ran, not stopping even when my knees were falling weak and begging me to stop. I finally saw his home in the clearing. I climbed the stairs as fast as I could and banged my fists on the door, screaming out loudly his name but soon realized the storm was draining my voice out and I realized, I couldn't hear my own voice. I opened his door and saw him in a corner, holding his ears, his knees drawn to his chest and with his eyes shut tight. He wasn't crying or frowning, I couldn't make out what he was thinking. I took a step inside and shut the door. He saw me and I think his lips quivered into a 'Makoto' but I assumed that to be my imagination.

I went and hugged him for some but he pushed me away and said coolly, "You're wet and you'll catch a cold.." He got up and ushered me to follow him. Surprisingly, the storm outside couldn't be heard inside here or maybe it was the fact that my heart was thumping so loudly, reverberating from my chest to my ears. I looked at him, he tried to act so calm even though we were amidst a storm.

He threw clothes at me and we walked into his bedroom. He turned around, "You should get changed here, outside isn't safe nor the bathroom… " I let out a small breathe and changed quickly. He sat down on his bed, trying to keep quiet and not jump every time thunder came around, he tried to sit still when lightning struck, he tried. I sat down beside him.

"Are you afraid ?" I asked Haruka in a soft tone. He didn't meet my gaze but held his head down, he left out a soft puff of air and spoke, "No.. Why would you ask that ?"

"Because Haru, you seem to be scared. Almost jumping due to the clapping of thunder or the lightning stricking." I said, slipping my hand onto his shoulder.

"I'm afraid, a little. How come you aren't ?"He asked with an earnest look in his eyes. I could feel a small smile tug on the edge of my lips.

"I'm not afraid the storm, I'm afraid of the sea." I said.

"The sea ? Why ?"He asked me. I nodded my head in a way of saying no and dismissed the topic. The time was five in the evening. Telephone lines were down and the only sound was the sound of our breathing, the storm outside and violent 'doki doki doki' of my heart. We both sat down on his bed, he shut his eyes and didn't open them, he played with the hem of his t-shirt while I, I looked at him and wondered as to how he was so perfect. I admire beauty honestly speaking, whether it was a guy or a girl, I admire beauty. And Haruka was basically the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my whole life after my mom that is.  
I started singing a song that my mom used to sing to me when I was in kindergarten,

_Cherry Blossoms  
Oh cherry blossoms,__  
__Cherry blossoms, oh cherry blossoms._

_In the spring sky  
as far as eyes can see,  
Is it fog or is it a cloud ?_

_The scent!  
Now  
Right now,  
Lets go and see_

_In the spring sky  
as far as eyes can see,  
Is it fog or is it a cloud ?_

_The scent!  
Now  
Right now,  
Lets go and see_

Haruka looked at me and he finally said, "My grandmother used to sing that to me when I was a kid, whenever there was a storm outside or whenever I couldn't sleep… I would wander into her room, she would always sit up straight, as if she knew I was coming you know… And she would usher me to lay my head in her lap. I had a dolphin plushie that I would hug tightly as she sang and stroked my hair." He closed his eyes, reminiscing.

"My mom used to sing that to me when I used to have nightmares, now she sings it to Ran and Ren when they can't sleep." I said softly. The images of the horrid day flashed in my mind, I shook my head and looked up and saw Haruka staring at me with his blue eyes. He slipped his hand in mine, comforting me I guess ?

I heard his stomach rumbling and with that I checked the time, it was seven in the evening. I peeped through his window and saw that the storm had subdued just a bit but you could never tell with these storms you know. Super unpredictable.

"Ney Haru chan, do you want to eat ?" I asked him while getting out of his bed. He flipped his hair and said, "Hai Makoto chan."

We made our way to the kitchen, I opened his fridge door and saw he had nothing aside from eggs, tomatoes, lettuce and mackerel.

"What even ?" I looked at him. What could you possibly make out of these ingredients ? He reached into a drawer and pulled out noodles.

"Lets make Ramen." He spoke with no voice modulation, speaking like the Haruka Nanase he portrayed himself to be. I swear, if I could open him up (more ways than one) I would. I wanted to know him…

I sat down as Haruka pushed me to sit down and wrapped his apron around him and started cooking. I imagined having 2 kids running around and me chasing them, scooping them on my shoulders and kissing Haruka on the cheek as he cooked food. Wow, wouldn't that be a sight ?

He was done making it pretty soon, he served me and then sat down himself.

"Itadakimasu !" We both said, me a little more energetic than him. I took a bite of the ramen and it was like the flavours burst in my mouth, this was by far the tastiest thing I had ever eaten.

"Oh god! Haruka Nanase, this is the best food I have ever eaten!" I said ecstatically.

Haruka laughed a little and then went on back to his straight face and said, "Aurigato gozaimasu Makoto Tachibana."

We ate the rest of the food in silence. Once we were done, we washed up our plates and started making conversation about school and such. I didn't mind these boring and bland topics as long as I got to hear his voice, it was beautiful, beautiful would be an understatement or maybe, it's my fault for already falling for someone I have barely know for 2 days properly.

The topic of the LGBT community came up and I asked, "Haru chan, what do you think of gay people ?" . I started fidgeting with the hem of my shirt and for some reason, I felt like he was going to accept me and say 'it's alright. I don't mind them.' Or 'I am gay myself and I have fallen in love with you Makoto'

"I think…It's unnatural but I have no feelings towards them." Haruka said, not meeting my eye. "Are you gay Makoto ?"

My heart was beating extremely fast and I couldn't meet his eye so instead I nodded.

"Tachibana Makoto, I thank you for looking after me but I think it's best you return home now or once the storm has subdued." Haruka said. I could feel his eyes on me, burning through my soul, it felt like he wanted to barbeque me alive and kill me.

My throat went dry and I wanted to tell him that I wished to be friends, that I wanted nothing more than to stay friends but count on my voice to give up on me. I could feel something hot running down on my cheeks. I turned around fast on my heels, picked my bag up and ran outside. I didn't care for the storm now… I ran once to save someone else and now, I'm running to save myself the embarrassment and the heart break. This wouldn't be as bad… loving for someone two days, silly isn't it ? Stupid isn't it ?  
I hadn't noticed but the storm had died down now. 

I reached home and saw my mom had come to the door when I rang the bell. She saw my face and hugged me tightly, I couldn't stop crying now. I felt so stupid for falling like an idiot, I felt stupid for having a crush on someone without knowing anything about them.. How stupid am I ? I clutched onto my mother's shirt and cried until I couldn't stand. My dad and my siblings were still hiding in the basement, I had guessed.

My mom coaxed me to have a bath and change clothes. I went to my bathroom and saw that most of the bottles had fallen down. I put them in their proper places and then had a bath and changed quickly. As I came outside in my nightwear, I saw my mom sitting on my bed with a cup of coffee, smiling ever so slightly.

I sat down next to her and she handed me the coffee in one hand whilst taking the other hand in hers. We sat in silence for sometime before she said, "Oi, mako, you know the last time I saw you cry like this ? the fisherman incident."  
I nodded my head and she stroked my hair at the same time.  
"I know you have a good sense of making out whether people are nice or not because I remember you stuck around with Rin even when everyone else left him… I have a feeling… I have a feeling that somewhere deep down, you know that that boy will change his mind or he's hiding something. And if not, even you can be wrong. That nice boy Rin, he's infatuated by you, don't you see it ?"

"I don't mom, I don't see it. I don't see why Rin would be attracted to me. I am a stupid idiot mom… And plus, he… He's my friend and we've always been friends and mom… I really like Haruka.. I haven't felt like this mom… He makes me go doki doki doki." I said with the tears flowing down my face.

"Then my sweet stupid idiot, shouldn't you try ? I'm not saying force yourself or anything, but maybe, you need to be friends with him first ?"

"Thanks mom." I said while squeezing her hand tightly.

_2 days later_

I walked into school, glad to see that no one sustained injuries and everyone was fine, a few people were sick but that was all that was wrong. I walked into class with a smile on my face but my heart both inflated and deflated like a cake looking at Haruka. The sun fell magically on his face, making him look like he walked out of a movie or something, he looked so prepossessing.

I took confident strides and stood in front of his table, bent down to his eye level and said " I know you may find me disgusting and whatever else because of who I am but you can't decide that by not knowing me. Become my friend and then see otherwise you're just another bigot and ignorant person who refuses to actually see the truth." I wish I knew how to convince him but I guess whatever I said actually worked because seconds later he said, "Fine. We'll be friends. You have by the end of this year to prove me wrong." 

-AN INSIDE INTO HARUKA'S MIND-  
Swim. Swim. Swim. Swim. Water. Water. Water. Water. 

I knew who I was and I knew why I was changing myself. I knew I was changing myself to be accepted by my parents. My grandmother accepted me but she's not here now. I have one chance to prove to my parents that I am… I am not disgusting… 


	4. Chapter 4 : Introductions

Summer vacations have begun here so I'm going to make this an extra long chapter and my apologies for uploading after such a long stretch of time. Please forgive me and please leave a review.  
I hope you all are alright and remember if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here.

Love you all deeply,

PokemonTanya

-x-

Chapter 4 : Introductions

I walked down the road towards school, I remembered that Haruka had once mentioned that he had a tough time getting out of the bath because of his love for water. It was a good thing that his home was on the way to school. I quickly diverted my path, which was actually a shortcut to school, walked for a while and ended up in front of his door step.  
I knocked on his front door and no one opened. I pushed the door slightly and it opened. I left my shoes at the front and walked further into his home. I reached his bathroom, knocked softly on the door as I entered I saw that Haruka had emerged himself into the water right till a little below his nose (obviously so he could breathe)

I leant my hand forward so he could get out of the bath, trust me, I had to imagine my grandmother in a swimsuit in order to prevent me from having a boner. Haruka got out of the bathtub and he was wearing swimming trunks.

"You remembered ?" He asked me softly, not wanting to meet my eyes.  
I chucked lightly, "Well yeah, I'm the best kind of friend you could ever have so." And I remembered that I had only sent a text to him for his birthday seeing how the storm came back that day.  
"Ney Haru, you free today ?" I asked him, he was drying his hair off while he answered yes.

"Do you want to go for dinner today then ?" I asked him through his bedroom door whilst he changed on the other side. I waited for a moment and then he reappeared in front of him, looking nice and fresh in his uniform.  
"Sure, I'm up for food." Haruka said as he wore his bag. We both walked to the front where I had left my shoes, I slipped them on as did Haruka.

He locked the door and we walked our way to school, I could see Nagisa kun talking to another boy in the same grade as him, he looked familiar, I think he was on the track team. The other boy seemed defeated as he shook an ecstatic Nagisa's hand. Just then I saw a flash of red hair appearing in front of me and hugging me tightly, it took me a few seconds to realize that my best friend Rin Matsuoka was engulfing me in this monstrous hug.

"Oh my god ! Rin !" I squealed happily as I hugged him back.

"You forgot me, you baka!" Rin said equally excited as he continued hugging me. He smelled like oak wood mixed with lemon, that was a wonderful smell that I was so accustomed to.

"I could never forget my best friend. What are you doing here but ?" I asked Rin while holding his hand.

"Oh, school was cancelled today because we lost electricity in the morning, they've been trying to get it running for hours, all the fans, air conditioning, everything went off around one in the morning today, so our principle told us seniors and juniors we could go anywhere, everyone else is kind of stuck in the auditorium, the kids are being taken to water park though." Rin said, not letting go of my hand.

"Oh Rin, this is my friend, Nanase Haruka, Haru," I said while looking at Haruka, pulling Rin closer, "this is my best friend, Matsuoka Rin." Rin put his arm across my shoulder and smiled at Haruka as he put his other hand for a handshake, Haruka extended his hand as well.

"Onegaishimasu Nanase kun." Rin said, "Or can I call you Haruka ?"  
"Onegaishimasu Matsuoka kun, gomen but I only allow certain people to address me by my first name." Haruka said as they shook hands firmly.

"Well anyways, Makoto you have school, I'll meet you after school then! Janaa!" Rin said as we walked away… Was he smirking at Haruka ?

"Makoto lets go, we're getting late." Haruka said in the same monotonous voice but it felt different this time… Like he wanted to say something but he wasn't going to say it, like he was suppressing it.

"Haaai Haru." I said while smiling brightly at him.

Nagisa approached us as we made our way to the gates of the school along with the boy who was on the track team (or maybe athletics).

"Makoto chan how rude of Rin chan not to even wave at me." Nagisa said while pouting and crossing his arms.

"Nagisa kun, he didn't see you," I said while ruffling his hair, "and besides who is this ?" while smiling at the boy with the glasses and lean stance.

"This is Rei. He's apart of our swimming team now!" Nagisa said excitedly.  
"Oh so you've swam before Rei kun ?" I asked Rei while shaking hands with him.  
"No but I found swimming beautiful." Rei said and it seemed suddenly that everything around him started sparkling.

"No offense but Nagisa kun how did you pick Rei kun then ?" Haruka asked.

"We all have names that are actually a girls so yeah but but but but we can teach Rei kun to swim! He was on the athletics team before, it's like running underwater right ?!" Nagisa said while acting like he was swimming.

"Well if Rei kun's onboard then we have a team!" I said happily while throwing my hands in the air.

Rei nodded and we had a group hug.

"But what about a manager ?" Rei said.

"Don't worry, I have someone in mind." Nagisa said as he ushered us to follow him and so we did.  
After a few minutes of walking and climbing stairs we finally reached an old looking room.

Nagisa opened the door swiftly and we saw… A girl with long red hair biting the neck of another girl while the other girl clutched tightly onto the red haired girl, as soon as they noticed us they stopped what they were doing and the girl with the red hair stopped, fixed her tie and so did the other girl.

They walked out of the room and the red haired girl hit Nagisa's head a little while the other girl seemed completely embarrassed. As I got a better look I realized the girl with the red hair was Rin's sister, Gou. They shared the same red-brown eyes, lean body structure and the same shark teeth.

"Ohayo!" Gou chan said in a very chirpy voice. The other girl just smiled at us in a very not nice way (if that makes sense). "I'm Gou Matsuoka and this is Arikawa Hana." I noticed that Arikawa kun had curly hair, which was really unusual and slightly darker skin, she wasn't exactly thin like Gou either or chirpy and positive as compared to Gou. All in all, Gou and Arikawa were two complete opposites but they complemented each other. Where Gou was slim and tall, Arikawa was shorter and curvier, Gou was all chirpy and happy, Arikwa seemed rather not so chirpy or happy. But, hey, looks could deceive right ?

"Are you dating ?" Haruka asked, his eyes meeting Arikawa's.

"No." Arikawa said flat, Gou's face fell, it felt like it hurt her a bit… But she recovered and said, "Well, not yet!" And she wrapped her hands around Arikawa's waist and her head sat perfectly on top of Arikawa's. Arikawa's face blushed a bit and she smiled but regained her cold exterior again.

"So Nagisa I see you have a team for me to manage, the swim team." Gou said still hugging Arikawa.

"Yes I do Gou and now all we need is a teacher." Nagisa said.

"Don't worry about the teacher, Miss Miho Amakata agreed to be our teacher in charge. Now, I have the forms ready for the filling in of the information. Give it to me by tomorrow with your parents signature, by tomorrow noon we'll be certified club or team. Tomorrow we'll go and clean the pool that's in the school's vicinity. Woop woop." Arikawa said as she pulled forms from her pocket and offered it to us. We took our forms and kept it in our bags.

"You both...look…beautiful!" Rei chan exclaimed as he pulled his phone out and started taking pictures. "The way the sunlight falls on your face Gou chan and the your cold exterior that is warmed by Gou's heart also adds to the beauty Arikawa chan. The sun and the love and the magic is all so beautiful to me!" Rei exclaimed.

Gou laughed and Arikawa had this 'I'm-fed-up-of-this' look and somehow my little pinky finger found Haru's and it clutched on tightly, in that moment, I felt happy just having this much body contact with him. It felt like this was it, like everything would be sorted out now and I didn't have to worry. Wow, small things like this made me happy. Who knew ?

The bells rang and we all made our way to our classes. The day went by smoothly, I occasionally passed notes to Haruka with drawing of me carrying him like a princess, of burgers, of walking on the beach and of holding hands. Other doodles included us stick figures, of one person hugging another, of his face and other things like flowers, milkshakes, water and things that made me happy.

The day ended finally and I walked to Haru's desk while he was still packing his bag, everyone had left our class and silence dawned upon us.

I bent down towards Haru's ear level as I pulled his tie, "Hey Haru," I whispered. Haru nodded as he pushed me away.

"I just wanted to say, I'll pick you up at seven for dinner, dress casually. Okay ? Janaaaa!" I said as I kissed his cheek and ran away from him. I left a small origami flower on his desk and on each petal I drew a picture of me and him doing something.

In the meanwhile as I exited the school I saw Rin waiting for me outside. He was leaning against the coppice gate of our school in faded blue skinny jeans and a black t-shirt.

"I didn't think you would actually wait here for me Rin." I teased Rin as I hugged him softly.

"I keep my word Makoto," Rin answered back, "Now, let's go to the park nearby, it isn't hot so we won't sweat or anything else that might make you uncomfortable. Also, I wanted to talk to you."

"Same here. I wanted to tell you something." I said and we both walked in silence towards the park.

We sat down on a bench. As we were about to start speaking a vendor selling some juice came and Rin rushed towards him and bought us some juice.

As I sipped on my juice, I looked at Rin and studied his features. I remember for a long time a while back, I was incredibly in love with Rin, with the way he would smile and the way he would laugh, the way he would smirk and the way he would hug. I was, all in all, love with Rin Matsuoka but then I realized it was a crush and Rin became my best friend once again and around that time, I started questioning my sexuality. I thought I was bisexual seeing the way I was attracted to both boys and girls but I was so confused because somehow I was constantly attracted towards boys but I dated girls because I didn't want to be the kid that was left out you know.

"Rin… This is really hard but you're the first person I'm telling this to but I'm…" I started crying and Rin completed my words, "Gay… I am too." I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes as well and we both cried together.

"Oh god Rin, I… It was so hard coming out to you because I thought you would hate me." I said while trying to wipe the Niagara falls of tears that was coming out of my eyes.

"S-same here Makoto! It feels like a huge load has been lifted off of my shoulders." Rin said as he came in for a hug.

"Do you like any boy ?" I asked him as I drank some of the juice trying to calm myself down. He drank some of his juice as well, I noticed that a little had slipped onto his lip. I reached forward and cleaned it as I smiled at him brightly.

"There is this one guy who I've liked for a very long time now but I guess we've just started reconnecting and understanding each other again after a very long period of time. I want to take it extremely slow right now with him because he's coming to terms himself you know ? what about you ?" Rin said as he wiped his tear with the back of his hand.

"I think wait for some time, see if you like him or not and then see what you want to do. I like… Haruka san but you can't tell anyone! Not a single soul!" I said while gesturing for a pinky promise. We both made a pinky promise and it felt like Rin and I were becoming closer now to each other.

I checked the time on my watch and it was six thirty in the evening. I had thirty minutes more till I would pick up Haruka… JUST THIRTY MINUTES. OH MY GOD.

"Rin! I forgot I have to celebrate Haruka's birthday with him today! I have to go! Love you bestie! Janaa!" I said, kissed his cheek softly and ran towards my home. Luckily, I lived only a five minute run from the park. I dashed into my home, took my shoes off and hit the shower real quick. I had asked my mom to iron my clothes for me.

She had laid out black skinny jeans for me and a dark maroon t-shirt as well. It looked really good. How awesome is my mom ? really sugoi.

I wore my underwear really quickly and then my clothes. I wore black shoes and grabbed my wallet, I had saved up some money and I had borrowed some from my mom earlier hoping to use it but I hadn't so yaaay!

"Hey mom and dad! I'm leaving to celebrate Haruka's birthday, I'll be home by ten, don't wait up I'm carrying the keys!" I said as I kissed my mom's cheek and left.

I arrived exactly on time at Haruka's. I rang the bell and Haruka opened the door. He was wearing dark blue shorts and a white shirt and he had rolled up the sleeves till his elbows, he wore black toms and e had his phone and wallet in his hand as he came out and locked the door.

"Domo Haru!" I beamed at him as we started walking, he nodded his head slightly as he shoved his phone and wallet into his pockets.

"I'm going to take you to the cool new arcade-ish center that opened up here a month or so back, since it's a school day not many people should be there so yeah. Let's have fun!" I said.

"That sounds really fun actually."

Haruka and I walked and we talked on the way, I talked mostly, confiding in Haruka about things that I normally couldn't talk about. There was a small stall on the footpath, an old lady was selling bracelets and trinkets, Haruka seemed completely taken by it as his eyes widened with wonder.

"Ney Haru, do you want to buy these friendship bands ?" I pointed towards these two black, sleek beaded bracelets.

"Haaai!" Haruka exclaimed and soon realized how awkward it might have looked for a 'young man' like himself to have been so excited about this. I bought us the bracelets and I noticed that he was staring at a snow globe which had this old lady, a boy and a dog inside. I thought I would buy it for him later. Haruka was taken by the bracelet and started walking ahead. I told the old lady that I would come back to collect the globe and to save it for me. She promised me she would.

"Now, we're friends." Haruka said whilst pointing towards the bracelet.  
"I thought we were always friends." I said while smiling. Soon we entered the arcade. It had some classic games like Mario and pac man and newer ones as well like just dance and stuff, it had that cool vintage metal claw game and a basketball game as well.

We both pooled in money and bought some tickets. We played the metal claw game first which was always and will always be a total bus. We next played the basketball game, I stood behind him as we started shooting the basketball. It felt nice that Haruka didn't try to move away from me, maybe it was too engrossed in the game to actually notice that I was right there but none the less, it felt nice to be there… I was controlling myself so much so that I wouldn't just stop right then and there and start to hug him. We played a few games and I finally noticed there was a photo booth in the arcade in the corner.

"Haruka! Can we please go to the photo booth ?!" I begged and made puppy dog eyes at Haruka and he finally agreed. We were taking two strips which each contained four photos.

For the first photo it was me looking at Haruka and poking my tongue out. The second, he poked his tongue out me. In the third, I tickled him and he was laughing for the first time and in the last one, we both just smiled at each other genuinely. His eyes were a deep blue and I wanted to get lost in them, actually I just wanted to keep staring at him and admire the prepossessing qualities of Nanase kun because it might have been a short time but I have already fallen for him. He was different and I liked that.

We took our photos and went to eat food. We were so tired that we ate in silence. We were done soon and we started walking back home and I could see the old lady standing there waiting for me.  
"Haruka kun, I'll be right back. " I said and I ran ahead. I bought the snow globe quickly because I noticed Haruka had caught up now.

"Happy belated birthday Haruka Nanase, I wish you nothing but the best in life." I gave him the snow globe and he started tearing up.

"I don't know why you're trying with me.. I don't know why.." He said as he hugged me.

"I.. I.. don't know why either." I said hugging him back, we stood there, hugging each other for a while and then he let go of me.

"When I used to live with my grandmother, she had this dog, his name was Nana… I really loved them both because I didn't fit in with the other kids exactly but they loved me immensely and when Nana died, grandmom and I were both heartbroken and alone.. And then a few years later, grandmother died and I was all alone again and my parents weren't really.. able to understand certain things.. I don't open up to people easily or at all anymore actually.. I can't trust people either. I miss my grandmom and Nana a lot." Haruka said as he walked beside me, his eyes focused on the road and the globe. We reached his front door and it seemed… sad.

"Haruka Nanase, please trust me and believe in me. I'm here for you." I said and kissed his cheek lightly.

"I'll pick you up for school tomorrow, same time. Good night, call me if anything happens." I said and walked home. This was a good day.

Haruka's point of view:  
Why was it that whenever I met Makoto I wanted to spill my secrets and my whole entity, that I could be completely naked, emotionally and physically, in front of him and I would feel safe and secure. He felt like home and safety and something I didn't want to let go.  
Wait… No.. This shouldn't happen… I started thinking and slowly slumped against the door. I wanted to hug Makoto so badly right now.. Why… Nande…


	5. Chapter 5 : Missed

Ohayo everyone :D I hope everyone is fine right now. If you could please leave a review that would help me out a lot. Right now, I don't even know if someone is reading this or not.

-x-

Chapter 5 : Missed

I woke up the next day, yesterday felt almost like a distant dream now. Oh god, how much I wished I could hold Haruka right now and smell him like the ocean he smelt like or chlorine. This all, these wishes that I had, where I wanted to come home day from work, find him cooking green curry for me and our adopted kids running around and kissing my cheek and then him serving me food and us being a happy family, that all crashed on me when I remembered that Haruka had called me disgusting.

Well, I can't stop right now because for some reason, my gaydar pointed so badly at him, it was like he walked through a metal detector and he was completely made out of metal and the machine went beeping like crazy. My gaydar broke because I felt such strong gay vibes from him.

My mom called out to me asking if I was awake and I told her I was. I had a shower and got dressed immediately and went down stairs. My mom had decided to make some eggs for breakfast and paired it with some green tea. Ran and Ren were already eating their food and my father was talking on the phone.

"Mom! Mom! MOOOOM! This girl called Yuri Shin in our class, she's so pretty and she has these big eyes and straight brown hair, so mom, she asked Ran to be her girlfriend and Ran said yes! And they look so cute mom!" Ren said excitedly as he gulped down a whole omelet piece in a shot.

Ran looked at my mom and said, "I think she's going to be my wife someday, Yuri Tachibana sounds nice or Ran Shin. I like Yuri Tachibana more though. Mom, you'll have to pick out my wedding dress and take care of the decorations okay ? And Makoto Nii," Ran looked at me with these big earnest eyes, "Makoto Nii, I want you to also walk me down the aisle and I want you to also help pick out my wedding dress."

My mom had tears in her eyes, tears of happiness, and she looked at me and she saw that even I was extremely happy.

"Haw, how come I don't get to do anything in your wedding ? I'm your brother!" Ren said looking extremely cross.

"Baka! You're going to give the most emotional speech at the reception and make everyone cry." Ran said as she smacked the back of Ren's head with her hand.

"Look at our children," my dad said, "they're going to grow into wonderful people." And wrapped his arm around my mom's waist.

"Anyway, everyone, I will see you later. Mom, I might be late so don't worry. I love you all!" I said as I got up, left the table and wore my shoes. I jogged to Haruka's home. I knocked on the door and yet again there was no one who answered. Even in his bathroom there was no one. I started panicking and that's when I noticed he had left a note attached to the back of his main door,  
_'Makoto kun, I have gone to pick my parents from the airport. Will meet you later in the evening, around 5 ?'_

I let out a huge sigh of relief, he was alive! And fine! I decided that I would call him up after school and ask his why his parents decided to come here suddenly (?) Surprise much ? I met Nagisa and the new addition to our not even actually formed swimming team, Rei chan. We walked slowly, laughing occasionally and Rei chan asking question regularly, actually his doubts were what we laughed about and that's what caused us to walk slowly.

The day could not have gone by any slower, I wanted to meet Haruka so badly. The final bell of the day rang and I think everyone was just as happy as me to actually go back home. Everyone rushed out and was singing songs or laughing loudly, making plans to visit the local arcade or go to the beach or to the city (which was a one hour ride totally, going and coming back).

I started walking back and was about to call up Haruka when my phone started ringing and Rin's number flashed across the screen.  
"Moshi Moshi Makoto!" Rin said with excitement overflowing in his voice.  
"Moshi mosh Rin, what's up ?" I asked.  
"If you're free, want to meet up ? My school just got over and I don't have swim practice today so yeah."  
"Sure Rin but is it fine that Haruka joins us later on ?" I asked him.  
There was silence on his end for a while as if he was hesitating to answer.  
"Makoto kun… Alright, he can join us." Rin said.  
"I'll meet you near the Usami Coffee Shop ?" I asked him as I picked up the pace.  
"Hai! We'll meet exactly in thirty minutes from now. Bye." Rin said and cut the phone.

I reached home and washed my face. I wore a simple white tee, blue jeans and shoes. I took some money from my mom, kissed Ran and Ren on their foreheads and left.

I saw Rin waiting. He looked really good, he was wearing a black tee, black jeans and black converse and wow. Just wow. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with Rin ? He was gay. I was gay. We've known each other for such a long time, no misunderstandings. I knew him like the back of my hand.

He saw me and waved towards me and ushered me to come towards him. I jogged towards him and gave him a hug. He smelled like new books. The best smell.  
"Hey Makoto, how are you ?" He asked me as we started placing our orders.  
"Okay-ish, you ?" I asked him.  
"Same here man, I need a break from school already." He said and laughed a little. We decided to sit down towards a corner placement.

We chatted for a long time, remembering things from our childhood, the common swim club, the way we loved swimming, how it's turned into something Rin wants to pursue as a swimmer and actually compete. We talked about how we both had never been in a proper relationship before, about our awkward phases. Everything.

Rin's mood turned serious when he started talking about the new guy he liked. It was weird watching him sweat over some guy, he had always been the cool one out of us.

"Can I tell you something ?" He asked me, there was a worry look in his eyes.

"Anything and everything." I said as I took his hand in mine. My thumb grazed over his knuckles continuously, trying to calm him down.

"You can't tell anyone, okay ?"

"I swear Rin, not a soul."

"And you won't act out at all, alright ?

"I promise you with all my heart. Please tell me." I begged him now, watching him like this was causing my heart to hurt oddly. I was super protective of my friends, especially my childhood friends and obviously, Haruka

"Hey Makoto, the guy that I like is-" Rin was cut off when my phone started ringing.

"I'm so sorry but I have to take this." I said and cut him off. I picked up my phone and I saw that Haruka was calling me. I walked outside of the coffee shop and answered the phone.

"My parents bailed on me." Haruka said through the other end.

"What ?!" I was so shocked and surprised, "They would have known that they wouldn't be able to make it, right ? Then why didn't they call and tell you ?"

"I don't know Makoto… I tried asking them and my mother just said that it was last minute…" He said. His voice was so sad, you could hear it drip from his voice.

"I'm sorry Haru… Do you want me to come over ?" I asked him.

"No it's okay. It's already five thirty now, I was supposed to meet you thirty minutes back but it's okay… You have a good evening. I'll meet you tomorrow. Bye." Haruka said and abruptly cut the phone.

I went and sat down back inside.

"Ne, Makoto, what happened ?" Rin asked me, his turn to comfort me.

"Haruka was supposed to pick up his parents. I had gone to his place in the morning to pick him up but he wasn't there. He had left a note explaining that he had gone to pick up his parents from the airport and just now, he told me that they bailed on him. It's… It's just that, that I found that super rude of them to do that. I know that I shouldn't interfere with his family matters but you should have listened to him speak and his voice. It was so sad. I don't like to see him sad at all you know…" I said, I could hear the way my voice was strained to even say this.

"You…" Rin said as let out a sigh and continued, "should visit him now. He may need you and you won't be able to find out until you actually visit him and see if he's fine or not." Rin's facial expression changed and it was hard to read it now, even his eyes became jaded.

"I'm so sorry Rin that I have to leave right now just when we were talking and getting serious about something. I apologize with all my heart."

"Makoto, it's okay… He must be super important to you.. We can continue later sometime," Rin said and punched my shoulder lightly, "after all Makoto, you're my best friend and nothing will change that."

I hugged Rin, "Aurigato Rin!" I said and ran to Haruka's place.

-  
Haruka :

I don't know why they cancelled on me… No one would even be able to tell them what I was doing here… I hadn't even been doing anything wrong.. They should have at the least called me and told me that they weren't coming today. The flight that they were coming in got cancelled five hours prior and they didn't even give me a single text message or missed call.

What had I done wrong ? My sexuality ? But I had suppressed that deep down inside and now, I think I am straight.

Am I not worth it ? Is that why everyone leaves ? Will Makoto leave me as well ? I don't know… I miss you grandma. I really want to quit life right now. I don't know what's the purpose of my life anymore. I want to breathe, I don't want to be tensed about stupid and trivial things anymore. Why do I feel so suffocated right now ? Is it getting harder to breathe ? Why is my heart beating so fast ? I need to swim. To swim and to be free of these feelings of hopelessness, sadness, misery and of myself.

I jumped into the bath tub and turned the water on. I stripped my clothes off and just sat down in the tub. The water droplets hit my body like hail. I started crying. I couldn't do this anymore.

'Don't worry,' I told myself, 'you do this almost everyday… You won't drown.'  
The water is such a beautiful element. It was able to take away and wash away all my misery and sadness. For a few moments, till the hot water was hitting me, blocking out all the noise of the neighborhood, I felt at peace with myself.  
If I could just run away from here wouldn't that be amazing ? it would be the most amazing thing ever… Can I just leave ?

Author's note :  
Hey everyone,  
or hi there reader! Thank you for being a part of this small journey. I know I haven't posted in a long time but please do forgive me. I have important exams coming up and I needed to destress after three months of studying and I turned to writing. For now, I am extremely sorry for this chapter not being as great or in detail and maybe full of mistakes. Once my exams are over (April 2, 2016) I will edit and upload every day! I swear!  
I hope that all of you are wonderful~ if any of you are going through any problems or issues, please message me. I am here for you. Isn't it wonderful that the Universe created the stars, the mountains, the ocean and found that beautiful and thought that it needed one of you as well ?  
You are beautiful.  
I love you.  
PokemonTanya.


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